I have always dated older men. I thought it was the only way to go. I thought they’d match my maturity level, would “have their shit together” and would, in general, be better partners for me, the self-professed “old soul”.
In my online dating profile preferences, I’d always make the age range between “my age+1” and 45, as if going out with someone my age or one year younger were some kind of abhorrent crime. How very old fashioned of me.
I’m sorry that I chose to illustrate my point this way
Usually the guys were 4 or 5 years older, sometimes they were 8 or 10 years older (and I went on one date with a guy who was like, 18 years older), but they were ALWAYS older.
Guys, I’m here to admit that I was wrong. I recently started dating a younger man – he’s four years younger than me – and honestly? It’s rocked my world. Here’s why:
Editor’s note: I’ve opened this post a jillion times to try to write it without sounding like “in defense of this one particular younger man I’m dating”. I’m going to try to be objective here, but no promises. Also I think I’m scared to publish this while we’re still dating for fear of jinxing the dang thing.
He’s unfettered by time. He hasn’t been doing his own thing forever, so to speak, so there’s metaphorical room for me in his life. It seems like maybe we can share life more easily, rather than me feeling like I’m tagging along in someone else’s plans. And y’all know I’m stubborn and refuse to just tag along.
I’m bossy. LIKE A BAWS
Though he be but young, he is smart. Probably seems obvious to you that age isn’t everything to do with intelligence, but it was something I hadn’t considered. He teaches me something new every day and I really respect him.
He has this wild amount of energy, which I capitalize on, and which makes me less of an old-ass hermit cat lady. Tough job, but someone’s got to dust me off.
He is not as jaded as I am. (Although is anyone, really?) He doesn’t seem to have baggage that scares him away from wanting future-things, like to get married and have a family. I do have baggage, but I still want those things and I shouldn’t feel bad about that, nor should I settle and not get the things I want.
I get to call myself a cougar, only half-jokingly. I graduated college the year he graduated high school. WHAT.
It feels kind of dumb to be writing a post about this as if it’s some kind of revolutionary discovery. Women have been dating younger men since the dawn of time, I’m sure.
When I first started dating this delighting younger man (who is now my official boyfriend), I found myself calling him by a nickname to my friends and using this weird, coy affectation, because “it’s not serious, he’s younger, he’s in school, and what do we have in common anyway?”. But as I got to know him more and more, my feelings for him intensified and I realized this wasn’t just a Mrs. Robinson fling. I really liked this guy.
I noticed that I stopped referring to him by his nickname and pointing out our age difference, and with those walls down, I was able to admit that this had become an honest-to-goodness relationship. So I thought about why, even though I was/am happy, did it feel like I’m getting away with something? Doing something taboo?
My suspicion is that it’s because we are afraid to be made happy by something that’s out of the norm. This is only tangentially related, but just think about sexual kinks (stay with me here). They’re called kinks because they’re a bend in the straight line of normal. We hide them and at some point we may admit them to our partners, but we don’t wear them on our sleeves, even though they satisfy something in us and make us happy.
So, I think we should all access our inner thoughts, determine who or what makes us happy, and accept those things. Because being happy is nothing to be ashamed of. Especially when the happy-making thing is a supportive, kind, handsome, and wonderful man. 🙂
Have you ever dated someone who made you happy but was “taboo” to others? What happened?
Psst! Hey, you! Read the other Dating While Weird posts here!
Smile…. Your post is really inspiring! I told my husband about your post, he smiled. I married my very younger husband, he is 5 1/2 years younger than me! First of all, I was scared to date younger men because I did not want to be like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher 🙂 In the meantime, I am glad that you explained this post. I am fortunate to have my husband in my life 🙂
As a teen I remember dating an older guy being all the rage. My ex was five years older than me. I thought he was the bees-knees until he wasn’t. I always thought guys my age were immature, yeah well life happened. My Babe of 12 years is less than a year older than me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
He was way better than the older one I had for seven years.
This post is a very classic look into what it means to be a woman and to embrace what you want. I applaud you for stepping out of the box! As a man, I feel it is unfortunate that men are too often expected to be assertive and lead by example. We end up hiding from our spouse what we think is a taboo thought. Personally, I find it refreshing to see a woman express her story with pride in her pleasures. Attractive and inspiring! Keep up the great work!
Vishva
I have been married for several years now, but I once dated some one nine years older than me. To this day, he’s a good friend!
I’ve only dated younger men. I married a younger man. I just don’t find older men attractive, and always found much older men (12+ years) who pursued me odd.
Ha! my husband is 3 years younger~ Works for me! Great post. Thanks for linking up to Merry Monday! Sharing on G+! Have a great week!
Kim
This is a fun story and you make some good points.
But four years is not that much younger than you – my husband has a buddy who married a lady 20yrs older than him.
However, having said that…I am six years younger than my husband :).
Technically I married a younger man.. he is 4 1/2 years younger than me but we just clicked. Honestly age is just a number and how you feel should be the only thing that matters. Glad you found someone that makes you happy!
I too only dated older men. 15 years in though and we are doing alright
What a great post! This is something I think you should embrace and I love that you’re trying it out!
Ever since I started seriously dating, I’ve only ever dated older men. When I was 19 I dated a man that was 33 (I think…maybe 35 lol). That didn’t go very well for my family. I’ve on dates with way older man but never anything serious. The oldest was 44! lol My SO is only 2 years older than me. He’s the youngest men I have ever dated hahaha
I know what you mean I always tended to like guys that were older and went out with guys that were older until a few years ago and I went out with a younger guy. I still think that older guys do it better for me but I wouldn’t say no. There is no age limit on love and chemistry!
Ha! My husband is 4.5 years younger than me – Works for us! Good luck with yours x
I have never really put much stock into ages – If I like someone, I like them and hope that I would give them a chance 🙂 x
I’ve always dated guys that were older and one of my friend always liked younger. Its all about who you want to be happy!!
I’m not sure how someone four years younger would be considered taboo. That’s kinda the same age range in my humble opinion. 30 years younger is a different story, but as long as you’re both happy why does it matter to anyone?
I have not but honestly people need to move past the taboos – love who you want and people need to stop being so judgmental! . Be happy! 🙂
It’s hard to determine what our “metal” age is when it comes to dating. I always liked older guys and my sister always liked younger. The same applied to the other people I enjoyed hanging around.
This is a great post! I’ve always dated guys that were older too and always preferred it that way. But this is a really great read to help sway the other way.
My hubs is almost a year younger. Smarter than me by a mile! I’ve never dated more than 5 years older. Good for you!
Werk girl! Age is just a number. I have met younger guys who were more mature and “together” than guys twice their age, and older guys who act like they never left the locker room.
Oh, and I met my husband online, which when we met 6 years ago was still kind of taboo. People begged me not to go on dates with guys online because surely every single one of them was an axe murderer. Somehow I survived and married a good one 😉 Technically he’s older than me, but only by about 4 months! haha
Oh my gosh, I’m so so soooooo glad you don’t have a problem with it. My SIL looks so much younger than she is, and the men who ask her out are always way younger than her. She is so hung up on the numbers, lol. She never says yes… kills me!
Well, if you’re happy what’s the matter? People are going to judge anyway. The most important thing is that you’re happy, so be it and who cares if the person that we care about is youngger or older than us?!
I don’t think age matters, as long as you have a connection. I don’t really worry about what others think of my relationship because only the two people involved know what is really going on. So I don’t think it’s fair to comment on something you don’t really know that much about.
I don’t think age matters at all! It’s all about finding happiness and clicking… which sounds like you’ve done!
Great post. No I haven’t but I enjoyed reading this.
I feel age is absolutely just a number, however I have always gravitated toward the older crowd, both in friendships and relationships. My husband is six years old and he totally the yin to my yang, but I do not think our age difference is the reason for that.
That second sentence should say – My husband is six years older and he’s totally the yin to my yang, but I do not think our age difference is the reason for that.
I should drink more coffee before commenting!
I’ve always dated older men, for the same reason. They were more mature, etc. My husband is almost 15 years older than me. We joke all the time about him being in high school, as I entered kindergarten! Fun times!
Just enjoy it, and he’s right for you, then it will work out! Good luck!
My last boyfriend was younger than me and it was fine until he cheated! How rude x
I don’t have any good taboo dates… Somehow my husband was serious boyfriend #3. However, it doesn’t matter to me about age. I think that some people are more mature and others have old souls! Do what works!
I dated a younger guy who was a few years younger than me, it didn’t work out. He was still immature. But, we were a lot younger. My husband is a year younger, not a huge difference but, people say I robbed the cradle. LOL.
I have never tried online dating but there have been a few dates in the past who were maybe considered taboo. I have always been one who feels that it is my life and I don’t care what others think/. The heart needs to follow it’s own path!
Hi Chanelle 🙂 I don’t think it’s taboo to date someone who is younger. I woudn’t be ale to date someone who is much older than me thou… In the end, I think it really depends on what you are looking for and what you want 🙂
One of my friend is married and has 2 kids with a man who is 4 years younger than her, so everything is possible!
This post was really eye-opening! I tend to go for younger men, not by choice, and always regret it because I always feel like they haven’t got their shit together and can’t treat a woman right. Then again, I suppose it depends on what stage of your life you are at because I feel that when I’m older, I’ll prefer younger men.
I think it definitely depends on where the person is in life and not necessarily age. But I guess the lesson I learned is to be more open-minded in dating!
I don’t think that 4 years is such a big age difference and if you are older than 30, to be honest, it doesn’t really matter, as by that time men mature and stop spending their time playing computer games. I’m generalizing, of course, haha. I have never dated someone younger than me, so I can’t talk from experience, but I did date once a guy that was my age. Mentally though, he was way younger and while I was thinking about my career and of building a life for myself, he was preoccupied with silly stuff and going out for beers with friends. It didn’t last, and I glad it didn’t. 🙂
Hehe, it’s interesting to hear about your experiences with a younger man. My husband and I are only 1 year apart so have never really experienced any of this!
Never have dated someone who is considered Taboo. But 4 years isn’t a huge age gap! My husband is 9 months younger than me! Good luck! Hope you continue to love your relationship
I’ve dated a younger guy before and even though it was fun, it was an emotionally, mentally and physically draining experience. I couldn’t do it again. It was fun, though!
I’m glad you’ve found someone that makes you feel young, happy, and that challenges you to learn more. Cougar, yes! I have a thing for cougars, but maybe it’s because I’m really young.
I really admire your transparency on this subject. I’m glad you guys are having a great time together but I also think it’s awesome that you learned not to limit yourself or your relationship. Good luck!
The last thing I picture you as is an old ass hermit cat lady LOL. I never really dated anyone particularly taboo, but did date a bunch of boys that were trouble and my parents knew they would be
Parents alllllways seem to know who’s trouble. Ha!
I think you should do whatever makes you feel good. If he makes you happy then that is all that matters.
I do not think there is anything wrong with dating a younger person. It is about the connection you share not the age between you.
Horray for a relationship that brings you joy, regardless of age. My husband and I are five years apart. We have known each other forever, and I love that we got to grow up and grow old together.
I don’t think age really matters that much especially just four years. Yes, four years is huge in school, but beyond it just depends on the person. I am glad that it sounds like you are happy!
You look stunning on this pic! Dating younger men? Not a problem, as long as you feel happy. I prefer older men though 🙂
I like older men! I’ve dated quite a few of them…(from 10yrs to 20 yrs older). I think it’s the way they carry themselves that makes me attracted to them physically, mentally, and emotionally. They know who they are, they know what they want and seem more relaxed (peace of mind). Actually, when I think about it more, as I’m writing… I like ALL men…lol .I don’t worry about age (younger, same age, or older) it’s more about the character of a man than anything. If the chemistry is right and we enjoy each others company, then why not go for it?!
Lol, “I like ALL men.” I admire that.
I married my college sweetheart when I was young so I never had the experience of dating strange or taboo people. I do enjoy reading other people’s experiences.
Us guys are usually pretty immature at all ages, so ones a few years older typically match up well. Either he’s mature for his age or ??? 😉
I haven’t really – my husband is 5 years older. But still weird because I was best friends with his sister in elementary school and he was SOO much older than me back then:)
As we get older the gap does seem to disappear!
My dad is almost 10 years older than my mom and it seems to work really well for them. I don’t think age matters so much.
I’m happy to hear you’ve found someone! I don’t think age or anything matters. I say as long as you’re happy, then that’s all that matters.
Very happy that you’ve found someone that makes you happy! My hubby is actually a year younger then me and he’s my soulmate!
My mom met my stepdad 42 years ago and he was a few few years younger then her. They have been married for 37 years and are happy.
When I get a bit older, I wouldn’t say no to dating a younger guy. It would be nice to be in full control of the relationship.
As others have said already: it’s just a number! I think it all has to do with the actual individual and not so much the age. I’m really happy for you that you’re in what seems to be a great relationship! If I could compare it to anything, I have friends who are quite younger than me but I find more in common with in terms of values and goals in comparison to people I grew up with (ex.: former classmates who are exactly my age).
Lisa Favre
Glad to hear you’ve found someone who brings out your happy! The radiance reflects in your writing.
My mom dated a guy 20 years younger than her after she divorced my dad. They were together for 16 years! Girl you do you!
LOVE it! In the grand scheme of things, four years isn’t a lot, but at certain times in life, it can seem like it! Like how he has the energy! I usually dated guys my own age or a bit older. My husband is eight years older actually! He doesn’t look it, though.
If you’re happy, that’s what counts. Age doesn’t matter!
Age is really just a number it’s all about your life experiences that make you who you are. Glad you have found someone that you enjoy!
I once dated someone 16 years younger than me. Everyone should do it at least once!
I love that you wrote this and GOOD FOR YOU because if he makes you happy and brings a little extra spice and energy to your life then who gives a sweet darn what anybody else thinks!
I haven’t dated in a long time. I think you should look for a compatible person regardless of age. It’s about the person not a number
I’ve dated both younger and older men. To me age didn’t matter because it was more about the guy than his age. My SIL married a guy 5 years younger and he is absolutely PERFECT for her.
It’s good to admit you were wrong when things turn out this good, isn’t it? Plus you can call yourself a cougar, what’s not to like?
Exactly!
What happened is that we broke up eventually. It has been a while sine I have dated so not best person to ask either.
To be honest I would go for a younger man if he was interested in me. Doesn’t really happen – no matter if he’s younger or older. I was in a long relationship with a man in my age and it was easy because we had lived the same events etc at the same age, so I thought both to be same age was the best match, but have learnt that age doesn’t really matter.
Thnaks for sharing this post – made me think!
I loved this whole post, such fun to see your shift in perspective. You go! And that last paragraph is pretty awesome.
I don’t see why there would be an issue, women have been dating younger men for years. I really hope it works well for you 😉
haaha you go girl why not , i feel theres no age limit on love anyhow
I love your honesty and self-awareness. Congrats on being happy. 🙂 I married someone 10 years older than me who is the total opposite of me. My family was like, “what?” We’re celebrating our 7th anniversary this June. 🙂
I have dated both younger and older men. They both have their pros and cons and in the end it just comes down to who is best for you. I’m glad things are going well.
This was a very interesting perspective, I love that you know yourself very well but at the same time were willing to give dating a younger man a try. Glad it seems to be working out well for you!
In high school my “love of my life” was younger but had lied about his age. Was pretty awesome when we decided to be teen parents and I found out how old he actually was. My husband is now 10 years older than me.
Oh I get this! I have recently joined some dating sites and just can’t connect with anyone younger than me!! Silly isn’t it? Kaz
I love this, my husband is 4/5 years older than me and he takes great pleasure in reminding everyone that you are “Only as old as the woman you feel”, so flip that over and BOOM you just lost 4/5 years mama! H x
A lot of the women in my family are married to men who are a lot older than them, they enjoy that they were more mature. I took the opposite route and am still happy with my high school sweet heart whos the same ago, but as long as you’re happy, that is all that matters.
This is awesome! I would’ve always went with your attitude towards the older man but your points are totally valid. Also that emoji pic made me almost choke on my drink haha
Age is only a number! It’s important to find a partner that you have a great connection with! If you find someone that makes you happy, that’s all you need!
I see your point – since I can remember I’ve only thought of myself with somebody my age or older, but preferably older. High time I stopped caring about it that much. The last boy I liked was actually younger a year and he was still perfect. Thanks for opening my eyes with your great post! 🙂
Great post. My husband is 16 years older than me and my step-dad is 10 years younger than my mum, making him younger than my husband as mum had me at 20. Strange? Maybe but we’re all happy so who cares!
I am totally with you on this – age is just a number, when you find the right person at the right time that’s what matters. x
Nothing wrong with a younger man, my husband is 4 years younger than me 🙂
My other half is younger than me – I always, always was in older people until he came along. x
I love that you’re stepping outside of what you normally do. Age is simply a way for us to measure how long we’ve been on the planet. There’s no need to limit our possibilities.
If I were single I would totally date a younger man. I would need the extra energy surrounding me to not be lazy haha!
I have been on dates with younger guys and honestly I don’t see much of a difference. I think what matters is it you are on the same page as that other person and you have similar goals! Glad you found someone that makes you happy!
There seems to be more women dating older men. Really if you are happy that is what matters.
I don’t think age matters as long as you are with someone who treats you well and makes you happy. Good luck to you both!
Ok so I’m only 16 and I never had a boyfriend yet haha!! Nonetheless, I am happy that you found someone who you really like and at the end of the day, age is just a number and who cares if you’re with someone older or younger?
Good for you for going out side your normal range. I think if two people can find happiness together age is really just a number!
My husband is older than me (barely), but I have a lot of friends who found younger men! Its important not to let yourself get caught up in numbers- there are plenty of older guys that are way less mature than the younger ones.
I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy! That’s really important . My husband is exactly 5 years older than me (we have the same birthday) and although I didn’t set out to marry someone older, it has worked out well for me. My dad is exactly 3 weeks younger than my mom and he always teases her about marrying a younger man. 🙂 My brother married someone 2 or 3 years older than him and it’s worked out well!
Well, first of all, you look great! I don’t know how old this younger guy is, but if he makes you happy, that’s all that matters! I have not dated a younger guy, but I’ve also been with my husband since High School! 🙂
Look at you, Miss Cougar. Getting that younger man… LOL I think it’s awesome, and age is only a number anyway if you’re both adults and have a good time together.
Good for you for going for it. Age is just a number, I have met older people that are more immature than younger people. When I started dating my husband it was taboo. I was 18 and just out of high school and he was 22. His family gave him grief about dating someone so young. It all worked out we have been together 25 years.
Dating someone you feel comfortable with is the priority, regardless the age difference, as long as you feel good with the other person, everything is right then.
I think dating someone your own age would be more energetic like. You have a fit body. It would be fun to hike and do other things active. With older men they may not be as fit, and energetic.
Perks and downfalls with each age group I’m sure.
I once dated a Korean. My dad always said things about women liking men that are taller than them. Maybe that’s because he is tall. I liked my Korean boyfriend. He had smooth skin, was always a clean person, we had the same taste in music, and he was nice. It didn’t work out, but we’re still friends on Facebook. My husband doesn’t even care. It wasn’t a long lasting relationship, so whatever.
I can’t say I have experience with this. I started dating my now husband when I was 15 and he is two years older, but my dad is a year younger than my mom and they’ve been happily married for 25+ years 🙂
Good for you!! I usually go for the older guys lol. Age doesnt matter as long as you are happy and find someone that works for you.
What a great point. Men date younger women without criticism all the time. You go girl🙌🏻
My husband is 9 years younger then me – UGHH call me a cougar. Its maturity level really age isn’t anything but a number.
So true. We can be cougars together 🙂
You go girl! You are beautiful, age becomes less important as we get older and as long as you are happy, he is kind and respectful and you are laughing- I say go for it!
I agree with you! I think I’ll keep him.
Good for you 🙂 Sounds like you have met someone lovely and someone you really like! x
It’s great that you’ve found someone you really like! 🙂 My boyfriend is really the same age as me (only 2 months younger) and it’s like we’re a perfect match for each other 😀
It’s so weird that you’ve posted this when you did as I’ve been dating a younger guy and we’re now a couple. It’s only two years for us but I have always gone for older guys too before him. I find that because he has less going on with his life he has more time for me which is good x
I’m happy for you! Best wishes for continued happiness.
I agree with the above comment. Men are always dating women that are way younger than them and I don’t see why women shouldn’t too. I think once you reach a certain stage in life, age really is just a number. It’s about having the same outlook on life!
Sometime great things happen when we relax on so called rules or ideals. Finding happiness is truly key to a successful relationship.
Good for you. I always went with older guys, you know, because of the maturity thing, but I think it’s awesome that you are happy!
I recently dated a 28 yo…I’m 45. He was the best guy!!! <3
I don’t see any issue with that. Guys do it all the time, so why is it so taboo for women?
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Good for you. I hope this works out for you!