Let’s talk about airplanes. They are unpleasant. The air is stale, the bathrooms smell like poop and sweat, and there is no angle at which the seats are remotely comfortable. I also think they should offer free tequila…but I digress.
The last time I flew, I was on my way to San Francisco to present some research. I was traveling with a fellow student, but I didn’t get to sit by her for some reason. Instead, I was placed in the dreaded 3-seater side of the aisle. Between two women I’ll call Staresy and Fartinson.
When I got to my seat, Staresy was already there, in the window seat. I sat down and got out my iPod, anxiously awaiting the ‘ding’ that meant electronics were good to go. And then Fartinson walked up. She struggled to stuff her huge carryon into the overhead bin, while I was lodged between her…well you know. The grunting and puffing was making me uncomfortable. Finally she sat down.
After I had the okay to turn on my tunes, I was content. Until I noticed that my window-seated counterpart was staring at me. Watching my every move. If I changed the song on my iPod, she checked to see which one was next. If I decided to take a look at my raggedy issue of SkyMall, so did Staresy.
Meanwhile, to my right, Fartinson was starting to rumble. Something terrible was brewing. And a few minutes later, I smelled it. A few minutes later, I smelled it again. It was like one of those timed air fresheners set to go POOF every few minutes.
I hate planes. But here’s some proof that I made it okay (me by my research).
Justine says
Whoa cool, didn't even know your name was Suz. Didn't even know you were black! ROFL! Well hey, I've never seen a pic of you! You're beautiful!
Sorry about the staring lady and the farter.
Justine 😮 )
Yaya says
Oy! Planes are so germy. I always clorox wipe my seat. Literally.
The Jacobsen Family! says
LOL!!! What a bummer! Hope the flight back was/is better!!
Kristen says
I am so sorry. If I knew you were going to blog about it I would have taken my Immodium, TUMS and GasX. Excuse moi for having bodily functions…lol! Hope it wasn't a long flight 🙂
Tiaras & Tantrums says
grrr – I only travel with babies now – can't be much worse, right?
Tiaras & Tantrums says
grrr – I only travel with babies now – can't be much worse, right?
Tiaras & Tantrums says
grrr – I only travel with babies now – can't be much worse, right?
Tiaras & Tantrums says
grrr – I only travel with babies now – can't be much worse, right?
conversationswithmoms says
I feel your pain. I always get the one that falls asleep and then the person's head falls on my shoulder. The drooling comes next.
Your research looks so detailed. Great first post.
Kelly's Ideas says
Funny – I hate planes too. I always sit next to Mr. Stinky or Mrs. Sweaty…yuck
Love,
Kelly
http://www.ivebecomemymother.com
Bee and Rose says
You poor girl! I'm so happy you survived to tell the tale! Your research is impressive!
Kristen Andrews says
oh yuck, but u made it through it.
Joy says
Ooooh yucky. But you ended up no worse for wear, fortunately. In fact you'd never know by the photo what you had just been through!
p.s. what does good towel mean?
Octamom says
Look at that snazzy research! Wowza!
Maybe it's time to do some airplane neighbor trend research~
Blessings!
Jen says
planes are just yucky!
Vickie says
Suz, this was funny! Just like ya momma:)
Most of the time I don't mind flying, but this would have totally turned me off to it. Ewe:p
Kathleen W. says
That cracks me up, but at the same time, poor you! I was rolling about the timed air freshener thingy!
Alexis AKA MOM says
First off YEAH … I'm so excited to see your smiling smile! Thanks so much for stopping by 🙂
YUP not a big fan of flying here either! Glad to see you all well and looking great :).
Storm says
Nice to meet you, Suz. You are such a cutie. Hilarious story.
Veronica Lee says
LOL, you definitely have your mum's humour!!!
Abby says
Oh my this made me laugh, thanks I needed it today!
Also thanks for stopping by my blog come back over any time!
Stesha says
OMG! When I read their names I laughed through the entire post.
So funny!
I'm talking to myself and laughing out loud as I write this comment.
No need to worry. I didn't answer myself.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
kel says
Well, how cute are you??? Love that shot!
And I feel for you with your plane buddies!
Six Feet Under Blog says
I totally hate flying and havent flown for years!
wife.mom.nurse says
lol!
I am up to speed now on this blog partnership…
started out confused wondering how Blueviolet had an ipod on her first flight…lol
sounds like a couple of real winners…poor thing
flying does suck!
🙂
Pseudonymous High School Teacher says
I usually love to fly, it means getting off the rock for an adventure. But this was an icky story.
A pet peeve of mine is people who carry on dead weight, barely fit up there bags. Ifear one will fly out during turbulence and take off my head.
Firefly@www.firefly-shop.org says
LOL the joys of flying 🙂
NateAndJakesMom says
So I am reading this in my email, since I am a subscriber and all, and get all aflutter knowing I will be seeing the one, the only, blueviolet in the flesh again.
I eagerly click on the link, wait for the picture to load and think. "Holy crap! She looks just like her daughter."
I am so incredibly slow.
You are just as witty as your mum. I am sure she is so proud. I am not surprised, but profoundly jealous.
Diane says
well congrats on getting there all in one piece! i hope your presentation went well.
The Wife O Riley says
This is the exact reason we all need our own private jet! I'm lobbying government.
Krystyn says
Oh, gross and yuck!
I hate traveling by myself (or sitting by myself) with strangers. For some reason, people feel like you are besties on a plane!
Devri says
Welcome back to the bloggin world! you were missed!
hey, go enter to win a IPOD Touch on my blog! hurry! hugs
annie kelleher says
hahah – of course i remember you and welcome back to cyberspace and ty for refollowing my blog i should say! xox…. annie
Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) says
Those are the precise reasons why I don't like to fly, either…unless I can pre-reserve a window seat so I can lean into the wall and hide behind my book if I get an unpleasant person sitting in the middle. Glad you made it safe and sound – if not feeling creeped out by Staresy and hopefully Fartinson's smell didn't linger on you. 😉
Alicia says
Haha..now I know your mother's humor has passed on to you as well!!!
♥ bfs~"Mimi" ♥ says
Every time I fly, I think to myself, this will be the last time….
Chocolate Covered Daydreams says
I would've fanned my nose each time Fartison let loose. As for the nosy busy body, you could've just played dj and told her what each song was that was coming on.
Amy says
I just did the plane thing. When you travel with a child the stares you get. Like know one wants to sit by you. Don't they remember they were small once?
Mommy24cs says
LOL, that is why I try and get the aisle seat whenever possible and make sure someone is traveling with me so I can stick them by the random person haha
Cinnamon says
Ugh! That is THE WORST! The only thing more traumatic (at least to me) is the puker. I can not deal with that whatsoever!
PS- How adorable are YOU?
🙂 Robin
cinnamon & honey
Tami says
LOL, this is why I don't fly!
Suz says
@LadyStyx – lol, my boyfriend is a major Fartinson himself.
LadyStyx says
Neighbors like that….*ugh*. The one sounds like traveling with my husband…and I don't mean the staresy one.
•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Erin.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• says
Ick and creepy. I hate flying too, but for more anxious reasons. I don't think I'd want to sit in between two strangers – Especially Staresy & Fartison.